Peach Panda 10/8/25 Peach Panda 10/8/25

I am thrilled to say that I am writing this on my brand new Macbook Air (less thrilled to say that it’s because the screen on my beloved previous laptop is broken). Now I’m fiddling around on here for fun while S & I watch M3gan. I’m reading this Substack post called “You don’t need an ‘aesthetic,’ you need a value system.” This resonates a LOT because I had a realization while rereading my Morning Pages from the last lunar cycle, & I realized that perhaps one of the reasons I’ve felt uninspired, demotivated, overwhelmed, burnt out, & have been struggling to maintain the intentions I set, is because I’m not really spending enough energy appreciating my life, identifying things that are making me happy, & recognizing nice moments & the progress I’m making. I need to reconnect with my core values (beauty, curiosity, interconnection, freedom, creativity, and, perhaps aspirationally, play) and maybe even my Spiritual Toolkit — I have all these things I’ve set up for myself for moments like this! Always, the hardest part is identifying how I feel in the first place & that I need to check back in with these things. Finally, I’m here, I recognize where I am.

Peach Panda 10/7/25 Peach Panda 10/7/25

weekly report

I spent Saturday in Coppell with my parents (for the first time in weeks) & my mom & I walked Valentine around Andy Brown (lovely — I saw a lot of turtles & I wish I’d taken a picture of them) & then went to Sherwin Williams to get more paint samples for my living room. And then we had a healthy, simple salad lunch (for which I made a kind of funky dressing, because, sort of humorously, my mom was out of almost every possible ingredient including literally all forms of vinegar) & then watched Poker Face with my dad. & then S got there & we sat outside for a bit, which was v nice.

the beautiful neon pastels I bought at Choosing Keeping

the woodpecker I could see clearly through the art room windows

This incredible giant fish I caught in my new AC game!

On Sunday we did our first official Weekend Reset of the house & it made a big difference. It felt more lived-in than ever. But at the same time, I’m feeling desperate to paint & get rugs & hang art & just generally personalize it. It feels a bit now like we live in someone else’s house, now that the overwhelming feeling of THIS IS A NEW HOUSE is starting to fade away a bit. I wrote in my notebook in the sunlight in the art room & S watched sports & then Chris came over to watch the Mets play (& tragically, lose) & then we bought him a shot at Lucky Lou’s and then watched Industry.

While we were hanging out with Chris, I read this article about the “woman who ate only fruit” and there were some interesting passages that seemed to connect the whole wellness ~thing to the creepy sense of purity that’s pervading the monoculture now.
”Karolina was a firm believer in the power of clean eating: that the purity of what she put into her body translated into the purity of her midn & spirit. This idea is now so commonplaces as to seem incontroversial; countless Instagram infuencers have made a name for themselves by creating content in which proximity to the ‘natural’ is tantamount to health.” & where has that gotten us? The connection, too, to skinniness among the community of eating disordred people with whom she’s associated also seems notable, as she wasted away and received numerous comments praising things like her “‘nice neck & collarbones.’”

Fruitarianism is discussed in terms of "“orthorexia,” '“a pathological obsession with clean eating & ‘purity.’” She watched Q-ANON-adjacent wellness videos & believed in the energetic powers of crystals, and even though it’s clear that at 50-some pounds (!!!) she died from severe malnutrition, people in the furitarian “community” deny that her diet was the cause: “Karolina could have recoeverd from her eating disorder while still on a purely fruitarian diet, they say, if only she had adopted a more positive mind-set.” When, clearly, she wasn’t receiving enough nutrients to live through her way of eating, but, also, it’s totally entertwined with, a symptom of her anorexia/disordered relationship with food and clearly very triggering to, a “smokescreen” for it. One of her peers said, “‘I’ve met a lot of people who get caught in this illusion of trying to achieve purity of the body. And eventually you realize that the body, in its essence, is impure, and that the soul is infinite, & you need the body to be strong if you want to live in this world & be compassionate & help others.’”

Garfield eyeballing me through the window while I talked to the handy lady

I did a Tarot reading for my intention which I think felt so shockingly positive at first glance that I barely registered it. I took a picture of the spread, picked up the cards, & moved on. But maybe I should look into a bit more

Past: 10 of Cups
Divine love, blissful relationships, harmony, alignment (Biddy Tarot)
”Embodies happiness, joy, & emotional contentment, particularly in your relationships/family. You have created an abundance of love/happiness in your life, & now you share this love with others….Often appears when you are surrounded by your loved ones” & “you appreciate/support one another” & “help each other reach your highest potential.” Indicates “a sense of wholeness, completion, & alignment in your relationships,” “an idyllic state of peace,” etc.

white cake eaten at Eagle Landing with AB

On Monday the handy lady came & toured the house, I made Houston’s Emerald Kale Salad again & my parents worked in the yard. Work was fairly normal all week…afterward I watched The Gilded Age and played around with this & my notebook. On Thursday S worked late & then we met for drinks at Lucky Lou’s again, & yesterday we babysat Lucas (& took him to Chuk E Cheese) so John & Alba could have a date night at Osteria il Muro, their first time there! I was satisfied & happy that they said it was incredible, 5/5, & they brought us home a delicious flourless? chocolate cake with caramel & some kind of cream rolled into a perfect shiny ball, and S & I ate it in bed and watched TikToks in bed and listened to music & then read until bedtime.

Present: The Heirophant
I always kind of struggle with this card.
Spiritual wisdom, religious beliefs, conformity, tradition, institutions [I think I’m trying to ground back into these things] (Biddy Tarot)
”Represents an established set of spiritual values/beliefs….Before you can discover your own belief systems/make your own choices…[it] encourages you to learn the fundamental principles from a trusted source….If you have done this, you may be taking on the role of teacher/mentor….Suggest you are following conventions & staying within the bounds of a ‘tried & test’ model [calorie counting, honestly. I’m trying to reconnect with this thing that I know worked in the past.]

Obstacle: Queen of Swords
Independent, unbiased judgement, clear boundaries, direct communication (Biddy Tarot) [Setting boundaries with myself is really a thing I struggle with. And with others, who influence me]
”Combines the mental clarity/intellectual power of the suit of Swords with the maturity/receptiveness of the Queen….The gift of being able to use your intellect/unbiased judgement while also remaining flexible/open to receive input from other sources….Lead[ing] from the head/not the heart….As a determined, independent, & resilient person, you have established clear boundaires, & you are quick to call out someone who crosses them.”

Advice: 9 of Pentacles
Abundance, luxury, self-sufficiency, financial independence (Biddy Tarot)
”You have worked hard to create abundance in your life & the 9 of Pentacles says now you can finally enjoy the fruits your labor.” [No need to indulge in unhealthy coping mechanisms — this is a new day, a new chapter]
”Do not be scared to splurge, indulge//pamper yourself, esp as a reward for all of your hard work” [Maybe find healthy ways to do this? Lean into what feels good in a way that works with the Queen of Swords.] “This is your opp to acknowledge your achievements/re-energize yourself for the final phase….This card also suggests that you are in harmony with the environment around you [this house]. You appreciate the beauty/abundance found in nature, & you can harness this high-vibe energy to bring pleasure into your life. You may enjoy gardening…or you may just like to pass your time in the beauty of nature with picnics or walks in the park.”

Outcome: Ace of Pentacles
A new financial//career opportunity, manifestation, abundance (Biddy Tarot)
”New beginnings, opportunities, & potential” that “correlate to the material world: finances, wealth, career, physical health, & manifestation of your goals….But it is not a free ride. As with all Aces…this card illustrates the possibility of a new endeavour but does not guarantee its manifestation//success. This piece is up to you. See the Ace of Pentacles as your ‘green light.’ It marks the initial stages of manifesting your goals & assures you that you can truly achieve what you have set your mind to do….Through careful planning/determined effort, you can manifest your goals & desires. Your ideas are ready to turn into something tangible/real!”

I tried a lot of paint colors this week — oh yeah! I took a sick day yesterday, tee hee. I cried in the morning about needing a break, so I pulled the trigger. I picked up some books at the North Branch Library just for fun, the butter kitchen yellow paint sample at Ace (where everyone is so nice) & another couple of pint-sized cream white paint samples at Lowe’s and then I tested them and, THRILLINGLY, I think I found one I might settle on. So now I’m so eager to paint.